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Marilee J. Layman

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04:27 pm: Revelatory Dream
I'm going to be 52 next Saturday, you'd think I had my childhood worked out by now. I long ago figured out that the attention from my friends' parents when we were stationed in Virginia Beach (I was 15 & 16) was an answer to the abuse at home. One of my friends and his parents came all the way to Roanoke so I'd have someone in the audience at State Chorus (and I won the alto solo, so I was pleased to have someone tell me how well I did).

We were stationed at the Pentagon before that (I was 12-14) and there was an Air Force family at our church who had a girl my age and a boy my brother's age (we still keep in touch) plus two younger daughters. They treated us just like their own kids and took us on vacations with them and on weekend getaways and frequently said "why not just stay overnight?" It took the dream this morning for me to realize that this was *also* their way of pulling us away from the abuse.

In the dream, we were all the same ages as we were back then, but it was happening in the future. We were actually part of their family and were so happy about it that we never wanted to see our biological parents again. It was just life, but life in a good family.

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From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 3rd, 2007 11:19 pm (UTC)

childhood abuse

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When were you abused by your family? None of us knew about that.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 3rd, 2007 11:53 pm (UTC)

Re: childhood abuse

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Who are you that I should tell you?
From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 4th, 2007 12:07 am (UTC)

Re: childhood abuse

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I am a relative. Your cousin.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 4th, 2007 12:17 am (UTC)

Re: childhood abuse

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I live in Seattle. I have two sisters. Our grandparents were missionaries. The last time we saw you was in 1981 at their 50th wedding anniversary at Ballard Baptist Church. Now you know that I am for real here.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 4th, 2007 12:34 am (UTC)

Re: childhood abuse

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Aha. So Lori. I asked because most of my friends already know this. Dad first threw me at the wall when I was three, because I forgot to feed the hamster (he admitted this in front of the preacher in the 80s). He hurt Rick and me in some way every day we remember living with him -- punching, kicking, grabbing arms and swinging us around, turning his ring over and smacking us in the head with it, etc. -- and he said horrible things to us everyday. He also said horrible things to Mother, but he didn't hurt her because the bible didn't say he could. Mother believed the bible said he could hurt us.

After Mother died, he married Sue because he couldn't live without sex (he told me so) and she sold/gave/threw away everything of mine I hadn't taken to SPC. When I got home, I found Rick living with the neighbors. Sue had essentially kicked us out of the family. Rick has made some rapprochement with them (particularly when he's needed money), but I haven't. I gave Dad many chances to say his beliefs (Children need discipline and beating them up is discipline; children need motivation and saying horrible things to them is motivation) were wrong, but he insisted they were right. Now that he's deep in Alzheimer's, he'll never admit it.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 4th, 2007 12:41 am (UTC)

Re: childhood abuse

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Marilee,
Lisa found you thru Google. We have been reading your posts for a bit of time. I have seen you reference abuse in the past, and honestly ........ we never had any indication or idea that this happened to you or Rick. Why didn't one of you say something? I know that you can not speak for Rick, but we have all seen him off and on over the years, even spent considerable time with him in our late teen years. What about Grandma and Poppa. Did they know?
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 4th, 2007 12:59 am (UTC)

Re: childhood abuse

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We always assumed that your folks and the grandparents knew. Abuse wasn't such a big deal back then, particularly physical and emotional abuse.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 4th, 2007 12:48 am (UTC)

Re: childhood abuse

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There is more I can say. More I can tell you. But maybe you would prefer using a more private forum?
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 4th, 2007 01:00 am (UTC)

Re: childhood abuse

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Sure, you can email me at marilee@mjlayman.com
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