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Marilee J. Layman

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06:19 pm: Dad's Gone
Rick called me while I was putting up the BFAC auctions (some really great stuff up today, bids already!) and said Dad had died in his sleep this morning, with a little help from morphine. Neither of us sounded very upset. Rick said there would be a funeral in a funeral home (not a church?) in about a week and then interment at Arlington National in a few weeks (they have a waiting list). I told him I wasn't going to the funeral, which he expected, but I might find a way to go to the interment. I haven't seen Mother's part of the headstone since I've been sick because their grave is on a steep grassy hill. Early in his marriage with Sue, they decided that Dad would be buried with Mother and Sue in a family plot that was set aside.

I mostly feel released. I'm sure it's too early to know all the feelings, but will it be that easy? He's gone and I don't have to fight against him again?

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From:julesjones
Date:March 9th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
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Glad's not quite the right word -- but I am relieved for you.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:01 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, Jules. :)
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From:gerisullivan
Date:March 9th, 2008 10:35 pm (UTC)
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Regardless of what other feelings come with the passage of time, the release you feel right now is very real (and hard earned).

May love and comfort surround you through this time of transition, and for all time ahead.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC)
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Thanks much, Geri. :)
(no subject) - (Anonymous)
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC)
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Thank you, Kai, I hope so, too!
From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 9th, 2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
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I am sorry for your loss, Marilee. Yes, you feel released and don't have to fight anymore, but it's still a loss and there will be mixed feelings. I wish you strength.
Doris
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, Doris, and I know you'll be there to help. :)
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From:the_changeling
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC)
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I hope the feeling of release grows into better things. :-)
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:03 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, Morgan! :)
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From:fledgist
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:22 pm (UTC)
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I hope you can find strength and peace.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:23 pm (UTC)
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Thank you, Fragano. :)
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From:kip_w
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:25 pm (UTC)
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Marilee, I can understand your feelings, having heard over recent years how the relationship was. It's still a big thing to adjust to. I wish I could help.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:57 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, Kip. I appreciate it.
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From:cakmpls
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:43 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad for your relief and sorry for your loss--not of the person he was, it seems, but of what might have been.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 9th, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC)
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Thank you so much. :)
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From:ckd
Date:March 10th, 2008 12:13 am (UTC)
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May you and Rick find comfort.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 10th, 2008 12:21 am (UTC)
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Thank you. :)
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From:pameladean
Date:March 10th, 2008 02:13 am (UTC)
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How strange for you guys. I hope things will be easy and continue to feel relieving.

P.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 10th, 2008 02:37 am (UTC)
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It is a little odd, but he was not a nice person. Thanks. :)
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From:ritaxis
Date:March 10th, 2008 02:36 am (UTC)
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You know -- I had a much better relationship with my mother, and when it came to the final moment release was among the feelings I had: release that I didn't have to worry any more about what would happen to her.

One of the things that did come to me somewhat later was a weird feeling of impossibility -- how could I even exist if I had no mother? It was different with my father, but along the same lines.

Since you have lived a long time without your father, you may find it quite different.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 10th, 2008 02:38 am (UTC)
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I don't know what I'll feel, I'll just let you guys know as I feel it.
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From:soon_lee
Date:March 10th, 2008 06:32 am (UTC)
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Don't have the right words but thinking good thoughts your way.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 10th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
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Thank you very much. :)
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From:firecat
Date:March 10th, 2008 07:53 am (UTC)
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Good thoughts and comfort to you and your family.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 10th, 2008 09:29 pm (UTC)
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Thank you, Stef. :)
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From:green_knight
Date:March 10th, 2008 09:51 am (UTC)
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May you be able to lay his ghost to rest.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 10th, 2008 09:30 pm (UTC)
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Thank you. I've hardly thought of him today, so I don't think it will be too hard. I hope.
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From:janetmk
Date:March 10th, 2008 10:23 am (UTC)
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Thinking of you, Marilee. Feeling relief under the circumstances is the reaction I'd expect. Be gentle to yourself.

And today's your birthday, no? I hope you do something for yourself to make it special.
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From:mjlayman
Date:March 10th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, Janet! Yes, since it's my birthday and I get more protein, I had a small steak out for lunch. More food than I usually eat, but it was a nice treat and just within my protein limit for the day. :)
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